My belly is always a source of conversation. I have had ONE …I repeat ONE comment that I
didn’t look all that big. Ha! Some days
I think I feel huge and others I look and think it’s just a healthy growing
baby boy! I believe since I have a longer “torso” it makes me look bigger. I
see a counselor weekly and she always says how HUGE I am! Awesome. Ha ha.
I think you will be fairly average in size, even though my OB said at my
34 week visit you would be very big. Yes,
I think I broke down in tears that day.
I can’t even explain how I felt like I couldn’t keep going with the
pregnancy. This was a few days after my
feet swelled so humungously and quickly that I had to have dad come “rescue” me
from a Costco shopping trip! Oh how embarrassing. It was even worse that I couldn’t walk for a
little while after. When I suddenly
realized I had to go to the bathroom, I asked dad to help me get there. There was no other way than for him to slide
me to the bathroom on a chair. Of course
he didn’t miss any of the walls either! I believe someone tried to take a
picture. It certainly wasn’t funny, but
I’m sure it was funny to them at the time.
One day I will look back and chuckle.
I had to let dad make dinner while I rested on the couch. That was torture! I am such a “do-er” Like today…oh my…today was a super nesting, super clean day. I even started tackling the dreaded “sock
bucket”, which I doubt I’ve touched since January. Ha ha.
You will come to know me as a patient mother, but also as a mommy that
runs a tight ship. I really need order
in the house. Even though I have seven
children…crazy thought huh! I hope the yin and yang balance each other
out. I usually keep my cool and don’t
sweat the small stuff that other people would break down and melt over, but
then the little details …well, I get hung up on them. It’s the way I am. It’s how I wam wired. Your uncle Andy and your Poppy are/were the
same way.
Speaking of which, I am really hoping to have a name for you
soon. I had thought of naming you
Garrett, but daddy really didn’t like that name at all. I guess my first thought was Lennon. After John Lennon. Just because I believe you will be calm and
loving and peaceful. (Hoping I’m right!)
I don’t know how Lennon sounds with the other kids names though and a few
people have suggested I call you Lemon.
Lame huh? So I came up with Mayson Annthony. Mayson after my dearly departed grandmother
Virginia May Hanway/Shepard and Annthony after daddies sweet departed mother
Ann Marie Hunter. Dad suggested Hunter
but I really don’t like that name either.
Dad thinks Annthony sounds black.
Ha ha. So if you are reading this
and that is your middle name, you will know mom got her vote and perhaps people
think of you as a black boy. Geeze! If I
truly had my way I would name you something like Milan or something ultra
fabulous but probably a little on the feminine side. I think this name is a great comprimise but I
don’t think dad feels that way. I
understand how he feels in that he needs to “see” you and also find the
“perfect” and I do mean perfect name. I
had a girls name picked out way before hand so it figures you are a boy. LOL!
Although finding out you were a boy was a real kick in the
pants. I figured there was no way I
could get lucky enough to have another boy again. I thought your brother Eddie was a “fluke” as
it was. When we found out you were going
to be a boy, your sister Emma told all of the kids in school that we were
having a boy. Most of the girls in her
class said, “oh no, now you will have TWO little brothers and you know what
THAT means!” Emma looked confused and
said “noo….”. They all said “double
trouble!” Ha ha …well, at first I’m sure I will agree. Two young boys have a lot of energy! Nothing
I can’t handle though. We have Lauren
and she is enough for all of us to handle as it is!
I did have several dreams that you were a boy. I had one dream that I saw BOY written all
over the clipboard at the dr.’s office.
I had a little bit of a sneaking suspicion that you could be a boy. No
symptoms that were similar or not similar though. In fact I did all kinds of chinese gender
charts and old wives tale charts and they ALL said GIRL. I have to laugh because like I said I just
didn’t know that I wanted to believe you could actually be a boy. I didn’t want to be disappointed because I
would be happy either way. Truly. But another little boy….aw, it was just
something that I dreamed about.
Literally. I can’t tell you even
how I felt about it. Not caring but yet-
well, if I had a preference….
When they did the ultrasound with your brother and turned it
on to 3D ultrasound I had a very strong inclination that he was a boy by the
facial features. I was kind of hoping to
tell that way with your ultrasound.
But…no…it didn’t happen. I got a
very standard ultrasound with no 3D technology.
I was so happy you seemed to be measuring well and seemed to have all of
your parts and no area’s of concern.
That was my biggest fear honestly! Seeing you wiggle all around inside
of me was so cute. I still wasn’t
feeling regular kicks and pokes and prods at that point, so seeing the kicks
and cute little things you were doing inside of me was precious. But dad and I were disappointed that we
didn’t get the better ultrasound. I was
thinking of paying for a special one to do 3D but then I wondered how much I
wanted to know about your features before your birth. I did want to leave a little to suspense
also. I love day-dreaming of what you
will look like and I worried that if I went too far…I might not have anything
to motivate me on delivery day! So we didn’t get a three dimensional
ultrasound. But at my next doctors
appointment the doctor was runnning very very late. I was already upset because
I had to go all the way downtown for the appointment and it was a very short
and rushed appointment. The doctor
didn’t even measure me. I was about 28
weeks at that point. I don’t mind
waiting but I hate that I was so rushed.
Still, I didn’t complain but I thought about never going back in again!
The doctor actually said I got a free picture for being so patient and waiting,
so he turned on the ultrasound machine and gave me some 3D photo’s of you. My heart grew and grew at that point! I can’t
tell you WHAT the smile on my face looked like, only that I know it was there
for a very long time! I could see the features on your face and honestly you
looked a little like your older brother.
I fell in love with you all over again.
The bonding experience those pictures gave to me were priceless! And
thankfully, I got the ultrasound photo’s AFTER we knew your gender. And yes, the doctor checked again and
declared you were still a BOY! What a wonderful appointment after all!
I didn’t know when I would get to know your gender
though. First off I didn’t get the
ultrasound until about 22ish weeks. We
had planned on a gender party in your honor where we revealed your gender to
family and friends and ourselves all at once.
A very popular thing to do I guess these days. I thought it would be the perfect way to
celebrate you and my pregnancy without asking for “gifts” like in a baby
shower. Not that I’m OPPOSED to
gifts…just that I wanted there to be little pressure. We had to plan the party for the weekend
because we thought more people could be off from work to come to it during the
weekend. But then something terrible
happened and the day we had your ultrasounds (your daddy fell asleep in the
ultrasound room and Emma had to KICK him to get him to wake up! I was so mad!) Your
daddy at church with the kids while I did my usual relax (aka-catch up on
things that need done) night. And he
called to tell me your grandma Ann Marie was found in her nursing home and was
unresponsive. My heart did a little
panick. I knew things didn’t sound
good. Daddy prayed for the best possible
outcome while he was at church that night.
He had a lot of support from church members thankfully. And then the call came that his mother had
passed away. I was so deeply hurt for
your father. I knew how much your
grandmother meant to him and how much a mother means to a child (even a grown
child). I didn’t understand how such a
happy day at the ultrasound, and finding out you were healthy could turn into
such a horrible day with such tragic news. Your grandmother had been ill for a
while. She was nearly only 70 years old
when she passed away. She lived a very
interesting life and raised five children.
It was a bittersweet type of day for sure. The funeral was scheduled for that weekend
and I knew immediately even if it hadn’t been scheduled for that weekend that
we wouldn’t have the gender party that weekend.
How could we go on with “life” as normal and try to smile through our
pain? I put the reveal party out a few
weeks. Daddy said I didn’t have to…it
was even a little soon to do it then. It
was just killing some of your sibilings not to know your gender. But, we needed to grieve first and foremost. So by the time we found out your gender I was
probably 25 weeks and got asked OFTEN what you were and when I said I didn’t
know people thought I was “crazy” for not having found out yet. Ha ha ha
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