Friday, December 27, 2013
THEY SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!
Yes, yes it is. Why do I decide to even try to write this post because I'm in a really grouchy mood just by the order of the fact that my stupid birthday lands two days after Christmas and that is already pretty much a recipe for disappointment. Yes, I still feel like crud. I feel like I have this big ass gas bubble that is ready to explode out of my ass at any moment. My kids are really unmotivated. They want to sit in their rooms and watch their new televisions we got them for Christmas. I mean, I guess I'm happy they love their televisions and tablets...but there is going to be some limits set on all of this stuff. My darling Camille is sweet as ever and begging me to try to make the most of the day. Of course there will be no cake, because there is no oven to bake it in. I was thinking of going out to the movies but Chad has his work cut out for him as far as I'm concerned with fixing all the crap that went wrong at Christmas (broken toys, doors, ect--I won't even go into detail about that). And of course I still feel ick. So, I'm doing my best to ignore the fact that it's my birthday because I always get this kind of lump in my throat because it is always so disappointing. I know I am a grown adult and it really shouldn't matter. And truly I don't need a fuss. But...all I asked for this year was a little time to put together a video montage and lemon cake with homemade enchilada's. My husband asked why I hadn't started making them yet. ??? Ugh really? I have to resist the urge to just kick his ass because he puts absolutely zip zero zilch into doing anything nice for me. So I have to pretend like it doesn't bother me. But it does. Every year it gets to me. I wish I could say that we could do something this weekend but we are already booked with other obligations. Oh well...I guess it's better to pretend like I'm not getting older anyway.
IT'S BEGINING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS...
Oh yes, EVERYWHERE you go. People are so rude and a zillion cars jamming up traffic. Please remind me the next time I decide to run out on December 23rd for a few "quick errands" with five of my youngest kids ....please just slap me silly. Hang me by my toenails and let me die a slow painful death because that would be far preferable to what I experienced. My dear sweet little Edward had this notion that if he were to throw the biggest fits of his life in the store, that possibly I wouldn't discipline him in front of everyone. And when I did, I do believe the fit got bigger and badder. I can' tell you how many times I heard, "wow, do you ever have your hands full". Why yes, yes, I do. So if you see that my hands are full, you COULD help! But that's okay. I will survive. I got the tasks accomplished and only had to take one valium and drink maybe one glass of wine. Or two. Three tops.
I had been up night after night wrapping gifts and preparing for the holiday's. I told my loving hubby that it felt like "Chinese torture" to be up so late night and night again. I also had lovely thrush. Probably brought on be a really crappy diet of mostly Christmas cookies and soda to stay awake. That is indulgence at it's best/worse. When candlelight Christmas Eve services came at church, I felt like it was actually a nice distraction. Even though I did miss my ten year old being the candle lighter. Ugh. I saw a very pregnant friend at church and she told me she was dilated to 5cm and ready to go into labor! Is it weird that I felt a little jealous? No, not really of the pain that she was about to go through, but just the excitement and anticipation of it all. As if I needed that on top of everything I already had on my plate. Ha! The music was nice...even if it was a little mostly for the older generation of the church. I love our church. I'm not in love love with the worship. Still, it was a nice distraction and reminded me of what our purpose was truly in celebrating Christmas.
I had myself fooled. I thought I would make it to bed before 5am on the eve of Christmas but that did not occur...again. I woke up the next morning with the strangest burps. They were the egg burps that you get when you get to visit the porcelain god. I kept trying to tell myself that I was not getting sick and it was completely the popcorn I 'd eaten the day before. Oooof course it was. I ended the evening indeed worshiping the porcelain god in all of my glory. Lovely. Months of trying to make Christmas a magical day for my children and it all came down to "that". Tired, feverish, and just feeling absolutely rotten...Christmas was anything but magical for me. I hope that the kids still had a good day despite the fact that I wasn't able to be much of a mommy. I woke the next morning and thought Helter Skelter had happened to the house. Alas, it pretty much had. It was completely over the top ready for an episode of Hoarders. And I do not believe anybody had any motivation to do anything about it. We've also been eating some interesting dinners lately as on Christmas eve, a fire sparked in my oven and my sweet daughter thought that the best way to handle it would be to throw water on it Sooooo...the heating element in the oven is no longer working. It's interesting to realize how much you really do depend on the oven even in this day of microwaves. But the fact that we have food in our bellies...even if our bellies are feeling less than stellar....is probably the more important factor here. Ahhhh....the holidays....
I had been up night after night wrapping gifts and preparing for the holiday's. I told my loving hubby that it felt like "Chinese torture" to be up so late night and night again. I also had lovely thrush. Probably brought on be a really crappy diet of mostly Christmas cookies and soda to stay awake. That is indulgence at it's best/worse. When candlelight Christmas Eve services came at church, I felt like it was actually a nice distraction. Even though I did miss my ten year old being the candle lighter. Ugh. I saw a very pregnant friend at church and she told me she was dilated to 5cm and ready to go into labor! Is it weird that I felt a little jealous? No, not really of the pain that she was about to go through, but just the excitement and anticipation of it all. As if I needed that on top of everything I already had on my plate. Ha! The music was nice...even if it was a little mostly for the older generation of the church. I love our church. I'm not in love love with the worship. Still, it was a nice distraction and reminded me of what our purpose was truly in celebrating Christmas.
I had myself fooled. I thought I would make it to bed before 5am on the eve of Christmas but that did not occur...again. I woke up the next morning with the strangest burps. They were the egg burps that you get when you get to visit the porcelain god. I kept trying to tell myself that I was not getting sick and it was completely the popcorn I 'd eaten the day before. Oooof course it was. I ended the evening indeed worshiping the porcelain god in all of my glory. Lovely. Months of trying to make Christmas a magical day for my children and it all came down to "that". Tired, feverish, and just feeling absolutely rotten...Christmas was anything but magical for me. I hope that the kids still had a good day despite the fact that I wasn't able to be much of a mommy. I woke the next morning and thought Helter Skelter had happened to the house. Alas, it pretty much had. It was completely over the top ready for an episode of Hoarders. And I do not believe anybody had any motivation to do anything about it. We've also been eating some interesting dinners lately as on Christmas eve, a fire sparked in my oven and my sweet daughter thought that the best way to handle it would be to throw water on it Sooooo...the heating element in the oven is no longer working. It's interesting to realize how much you really do depend on the oven even in this day of microwaves. But the fact that we have food in our bellies...even if our bellies are feeling less than stellar....is probably the more important factor here. Ahhhh....the holidays....
HEYA DOLL, WHERE YA BEEN ALL MY LIFE?
Wow, it's been about a month. Didn't even get to post about Mayson's three month birthday! Boo. It's just been really crazy busy. Busy busy busy. I make it all seem effortless and like I haven't even one grey hair. Do you know how much hair color I buy in a month anyway?
Well, except that I don't think the kids school thinks I have it all together. Those sweet kids were late to school again today. Oops. It is just the mechanics of it all. Right now I am driving William to the school and then coming back and resuming to get the rest of us ready. Thankfully Camille's bus stop isn't far. But then I feel bad that she has to walk in such bitter cold. I'm kind of more like a hippy mom in that really I'm not completely offended if my kids are late a fourth of the time. In fact I feel pretty damn good about myself if my kids are THERE 3/4 of the time. Don't get me wrong. I think education is super duper important. This is why I travel to such great lengths and make painstaking decisions of where to place my kids for schools. I don't think our kids have ever just went to the "neighborhood school". I guess some people would look at it as a control thing but it isn't. I really do want the BEST for my kids.....and speaking of which right now they are getting ANYTHING but that.
I am constantly fighting with the schools here in Meridian. I've begged Chad for us to move. I hate that Camille is in counseling because she hates school so much. I hate that the other kids reminisse about their old school and talk about "bullies" galore at the new school. I hate that I am literally fighting day after day to get anything done. I know I'm being talked into something I shouldn't be going for. The teachers all act like it is their JOB to protect their asses. No...your job is to teach my child! It's BEYOND frustrating. And yes, oh yes, I am complaining. I am literally considering homeschooling them all. Wouldn't that be interesting. Camille is open to the idea. The middle girls would probably warm up to the idea....William would be mortified. Well, except that he got to sleep in. I already learned it's difficult for me to be his mom and his teacher. We don't connect that way. I think we could if I had more time to spend individually with him but that isn't going to happen. I don't know what we will do. I am seriously considering a move. I want to move out of state and have a one year commitment to 'try something new". I want to move to a new state or even country. I hate Idaho. At least I think I do. I think right now is the perfect time for us to give it a try. It's hard to push my husbands hand with anything though. Sigh. If he only knew my system and what I dealt with each . and every. day! He would want something to change then too.
Thanksgiving really took a lot of efforts this year. Because we hosted at our house, I feel like all of the Christmas stuff got delayed. I'm so horribly feeling grinchy this year. I swear, I could care less about the smell of the fresh pine in our living room that sits half decorated because we got too tired to finish it. The lights outside? Oh they are interesting. It think a trailer park display would look less clusterfucked. But, I digress...I have some of the shopping done. Black Friday was a nightmare this year too. I went with the kids, which wasn't so bad, but Chad stayed home while I was out late late. And only fed Mayson one ounce of a bottle, so then he wanted to nurse all night. Yeesh! I wasn't too "into" the idea of hosting Thanksgiving the more it started to get nearer. I think there was really just too much going on in our lives. But we pulled it off. I have no idea what to do with Christmas. I cannot tell you what fun it is to go to the mall with little baby, toddler and kindergartener and try to make sure that you not only don't kill one of them or leave one of them (on purpose) but that you are back at school again for a few more kids that are waiting for you. Everyone is also sick. That's fun stuff. And dealing with some issues of my own...gosh..Chad decided on his own to sleep on the couch. Good riddance. That Old Man is tired because he chose to stay up until like four am watching television ...oh and putting together a train set. Sooooo frustrating.
So yeah, we didn't make it to several "traditions" this year. I don't know that we will be able to make up most of them. The trains, the Festival of Tree's, gun shooting...it's all too cold, or too late to try to pull any of those off. I've tried taking the kids with me to a few Christmas show's to get them more in the spirit and that backfired on me. They could just care less....and actually in the scheme of things I begin to wonder..."why?" Why in the world do I try to force things when our family is changing and evolving? We aren't the family of 2.5 kids that are under 5 years old that still gets into things like looking at Christmas lights in the car. No. Now we are the family of 9 (and perhaps counting) that are packed into the car like a bunch of sardines. The kids ripping each others hair out. The older kids are all emersed in their I-whatevers so that they are basicly just warm bodies taking up room in the car. It's weird because when we threaten that they are being brats and won't get to go do something, they act as though they WANT to be with us....well...mostly. But then they really don't act like they want to be there when they are there. Aw well...the nice thing I guess is that however tragic it all feels-we are all together. And that is something not many families can say. A lot of kids, particularly older kids don't or wont' really hang out as a family. So that's something. I suppose!
Well, except that I don't think the kids school thinks I have it all together. Those sweet kids were late to school again today. Oops. It is just the mechanics of it all. Right now I am driving William to the school and then coming back and resuming to get the rest of us ready. Thankfully Camille's bus stop isn't far. But then I feel bad that she has to walk in such bitter cold. I'm kind of more like a hippy mom in that really I'm not completely offended if my kids are late a fourth of the time. In fact I feel pretty damn good about myself if my kids are THERE 3/4 of the time. Don't get me wrong. I think education is super duper important. This is why I travel to such great lengths and make painstaking decisions of where to place my kids for schools. I don't think our kids have ever just went to the "neighborhood school". I guess some people would look at it as a control thing but it isn't. I really do want the BEST for my kids.....and speaking of which right now they are getting ANYTHING but that.
I am constantly fighting with the schools here in Meridian. I've begged Chad for us to move. I hate that Camille is in counseling because she hates school so much. I hate that the other kids reminisse about their old school and talk about "bullies" galore at the new school. I hate that I am literally fighting day after day to get anything done. I know I'm being talked into something I shouldn't be going for. The teachers all act like it is their JOB to protect their asses. No...your job is to teach my child! It's BEYOND frustrating. And yes, oh yes, I am complaining. I am literally considering homeschooling them all. Wouldn't that be interesting. Camille is open to the idea. The middle girls would probably warm up to the idea....William would be mortified. Well, except that he got to sleep in. I already learned it's difficult for me to be his mom and his teacher. We don't connect that way. I think we could if I had more time to spend individually with him but that isn't going to happen. I don't know what we will do. I am seriously considering a move. I want to move out of state and have a one year commitment to 'try something new". I want to move to a new state or even country. I hate Idaho. At least I think I do. I think right now is the perfect time for us to give it a try. It's hard to push my husbands hand with anything though. Sigh. If he only knew my system and what I dealt with each . and every. day! He would want something to change then too.
Thanksgiving really took a lot of efforts this year. Because we hosted at our house, I feel like all of the Christmas stuff got delayed. I'm so horribly feeling grinchy this year. I swear, I could care less about the smell of the fresh pine in our living room that sits half decorated because we got too tired to finish it. The lights outside? Oh they are interesting. It think a trailer park display would look less clusterfucked. But, I digress...I have some of the shopping done. Black Friday was a nightmare this year too. I went with the kids, which wasn't so bad, but Chad stayed home while I was out late late. And only fed Mayson one ounce of a bottle, so then he wanted to nurse all night. Yeesh! I wasn't too "into" the idea of hosting Thanksgiving the more it started to get nearer. I think there was really just too much going on in our lives. But we pulled it off. I have no idea what to do with Christmas. I cannot tell you what fun it is to go to the mall with little baby, toddler and kindergartener and try to make sure that you not only don't kill one of them or leave one of them (on purpose) but that you are back at school again for a few more kids that are waiting for you. Everyone is also sick. That's fun stuff. And dealing with some issues of my own...gosh..Chad decided on his own to sleep on the couch. Good riddance. That Old Man is tired because he chose to stay up until like four am watching television ...oh and putting together a train set. Sooooo frustrating.
So yeah, we didn't make it to several "traditions" this year. I don't know that we will be able to make up most of them. The trains, the Festival of Tree's, gun shooting...it's all too cold, or too late to try to pull any of those off. I've tried taking the kids with me to a few Christmas show's to get them more in the spirit and that backfired on me. They could just care less....and actually in the scheme of things I begin to wonder..."why?" Why in the world do I try to force things when our family is changing and evolving? We aren't the family of 2.5 kids that are under 5 years old that still gets into things like looking at Christmas lights in the car. No. Now we are the family of 9 (and perhaps counting) that are packed into the car like a bunch of sardines. The kids ripping each others hair out. The older kids are all emersed in their I-whatevers so that they are basicly just warm bodies taking up room in the car. It's weird because when we threaten that they are being brats and won't get to go do something, they act as though they WANT to be with us....well...mostly. But then they really don't act like they want to be there when they are there. Aw well...the nice thing I guess is that however tragic it all feels-we are all together. And that is something not many families can say. A lot of kids, particularly older kids don't or wont' really hang out as a family. So that's something. I suppose!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY...IT'S HUMP DAY
And what exactly does "hump day" mean to me? Um, chaos really. And this Wednesday was no different. Of course I couldn't say that Monday or Tuesday was really relaxing either. Come to think of it...relax is not in my vocabulary. Why I seek something as elusive as relaxation is beyond me...in fact I sometimes wonder what relaxation really means to me. I'm fairly sure it's not really achievable at this point in time. I run all day taking the kids to appointments, school, activities, ect. ect. and then at night for some reason I seem to think I will have a few minutes to sit down and vegetate? Not so much. I resent the families that don't have a lot to do actually. I resent the families that put together jigsaw puzzles because they have free time. Our house has to run like a military ship. It's insane! But not all together bad per say...just very very busy. I asked for it. I got it! I'm so thankful because I'm sure it's what keeps me young and going. I don't have time to get sick or stop. I don't even have time to think sometimes. I had yet another car accident the other day. Ugh, Ugh. I decided that it was just a matter of a fact that in reality I'm always on the run, always running LATE (and yeah, sometimes there are just different levels of late but I'm always late) and always distracted. No wonder I get into so many accidents. It's not an excuse though. Well, maybe this is my excuse. I'm just very thankful that my hobby is all about hitting parked cars and not about getting into a major auto accident (yet). And all while being distracted I get majorly bored while driving. No connection to the outer world aside from the stereo.
We celebrated baby Mayson's two month birthday the other day! Wow, how quickly time goes and yet it seems like he was meant to be with us all along. What a good little guy he is. He does get cranky when he wants to go to sleep, which is like any baby really. He's still having a hard time with growing and he still spits up watery stuff when I feed him any type of formula. Maybe it's not just the formula and he is spitting up watery stuff other times as well? I asked the doctor and he is sending us to the lactation specialist and then if we don't get clear answers we will go to the GI doctor. I don't want to go that route but there's something there...something I can't put my finger on exactly. Or maybe it's just hard to believe I have a healthy beautiful baby boy with no issues! We had chocolate cupcakes and let Mayson have a special bath for his birthday. Of course this was after a very full day anyway. We went to an event earlier in the day and won $155 in gift cards! Woot! I had a feeling we would win, so I was really looking forward to going. We also went to a harvest festival with the kids. Lauren go to go to a birthday party. Her first "friend from school" birthday party. She was soooo excited but still terribly shy. I find it so hard to understand how she is so shy with her peers and not at all shy with adults. After our events of the day, we went and got free coffee at Dutch Bros. and then went to Goodwill for Halloween costume ideas. It was actually a fairly fun evening.
The weekend continued with church the next morning. I'm still a little ass hurt about the whole church Halloween party thing. Er, excuse me "costume party". I had told the kids about two weeks postpartum that we should have a Halloween party this year for the older kids since they didn't really feel like dressing up and felt like they were getting too old to trick or treat. I believe it could have been crazy horrormones talking...I dunno...but I agreed to a Halloween party. I hadn't even really thought about the specifics of pulling off such an adventure. I can't even seem to get a SHOWER in or shave my legs on any type of regular basis. What in the world was I thinking? Somehow this little suggestion got blown way out of proportion and the next thing I know I am putting on a Halloween party for the church youth group. Wah? I roll with the flow because that's what I do these days. I literally have to throw up my hands and laugh and just really give it to God to help me. Then I get told that I have to be careful with all of my Halloween activities and that they all have to be "bucolically based". Oh my gosh...uh, that is going to be a little awkward to say the least. I tried to wrap my head around that thought and wasn't really sure where to head with that. I have young kids...I don't do "gore" to begin with. I have a cute little ghost outside and spiderwebs and a little grave site in our front yard. No bloody men popping out of the ground or anything. No body parts dangling. The next thing I know, my daughter comes home from youth group and says "you don't have to do ANYTHING for the "costume party" mom because they just needed to use our house". I was really hurt at that point. Hurt that the church didn't trust my judgement and hurt that my original thought about having a Halloween party for my children was then somehow taken over by the entities at church and skewed to fit their thoughts on Halloween. Then there was the tongue lashing about how you are a sinner if you participate in the occult for Halloween at Sunday services. I am not sure how to deal with this but to again throw my hands up and let God have it also. Its not the hairiest deal in the world certainly it isn't something to get my panties in a wad about because I'm not so sure how much of the preparations I could have carried out to begin with, but it hurts that I feel like I was taken advantage of and that nobody ever tried communicating with me if they had concerns. Oh well...I guess me and my mister will get an opportunity to go out that night and let the youth have their party.
Well, it's almost Thursday....that is a day that is just okay for me. I'm hoping to be able to have a more RELAXED day. Ha! Not a chance.
We celebrated baby Mayson's two month birthday the other day! Wow, how quickly time goes and yet it seems like he was meant to be with us all along. What a good little guy he is. He does get cranky when he wants to go to sleep, which is like any baby really. He's still having a hard time with growing and he still spits up watery stuff when I feed him any type of formula. Maybe it's not just the formula and he is spitting up watery stuff other times as well? I asked the doctor and he is sending us to the lactation specialist and then if we don't get clear answers we will go to the GI doctor. I don't want to go that route but there's something there...something I can't put my finger on exactly. Or maybe it's just hard to believe I have a healthy beautiful baby boy with no issues! We had chocolate cupcakes and let Mayson have a special bath for his birthday. Of course this was after a very full day anyway. We went to an event earlier in the day and won $155 in gift cards! Woot! I had a feeling we would win, so I was really looking forward to going. We also went to a harvest festival with the kids. Lauren go to go to a birthday party. Her first "friend from school" birthday party. She was soooo excited but still terribly shy. I find it so hard to understand how she is so shy with her peers and not at all shy with adults. After our events of the day, we went and got free coffee at Dutch Bros. and then went to Goodwill for Halloween costume ideas. It was actually a fairly fun evening.
The weekend continued with church the next morning. I'm still a little ass hurt about the whole church Halloween party thing. Er, excuse me "costume party". I had told the kids about two weeks postpartum that we should have a Halloween party this year for the older kids since they didn't really feel like dressing up and felt like they were getting too old to trick or treat. I believe it could have been crazy horrormones talking...I dunno...but I agreed to a Halloween party. I hadn't even really thought about the specifics of pulling off such an adventure. I can't even seem to get a SHOWER in or shave my legs on any type of regular basis. What in the world was I thinking? Somehow this little suggestion got blown way out of proportion and the next thing I know I am putting on a Halloween party for the church youth group. Wah? I roll with the flow because that's what I do these days. I literally have to throw up my hands and laugh and just really give it to God to help me. Then I get told that I have to be careful with all of my Halloween activities and that they all have to be "bucolically based". Oh my gosh...uh, that is going to be a little awkward to say the least. I tried to wrap my head around that thought and wasn't really sure where to head with that. I have young kids...I don't do "gore" to begin with. I have a cute little ghost outside and spiderwebs and a little grave site in our front yard. No bloody men popping out of the ground or anything. No body parts dangling. The next thing I know, my daughter comes home from youth group and says "you don't have to do ANYTHING for the "costume party" mom because they just needed to use our house". I was really hurt at that point. Hurt that the church didn't trust my judgement and hurt that my original thought about having a Halloween party for my children was then somehow taken over by the entities at church and skewed to fit their thoughts on Halloween. Then there was the tongue lashing about how you are a sinner if you participate in the occult for Halloween at Sunday services. I am not sure how to deal with this but to again throw my hands up and let God have it also. Its not the hairiest deal in the world certainly it isn't something to get my panties in a wad about because I'm not so sure how much of the preparations I could have carried out to begin with, but it hurts that I feel like I was taken advantage of and that nobody ever tried communicating with me if they had concerns. Oh well...I guess me and my mister will get an opportunity to go out that night and let the youth have their party.
Well, it's almost Thursday....that is a day that is just okay for me. I'm hoping to be able to have a more RELAXED day. Ha! Not a chance.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
YOU ARE ONE!
One month old that is! We are celebrating by baking you a chocolate cake. This was mom's craving that I ordered for after delivery but never really got. I did get some really really good chocolate chip cookies, but not my Costco chocolate cake like I really wanted. I was bummed that we not only didn't have the money for the Costco cake, but I guess nobody really took me seriously because they never got it for me. Sigh. Anyway, I decided that I would celebrate your one month birthday with a chocolate cake instead. I still don't have the money, so I thought I would bake a really delicious one instead. I will get that Costco cake sooner or later I am sure.
This is funny how things steamroll in this family. Of course you can't eat chocolate cake, but your family will delightfully help you with it. So somehow it was suggested we have chocolate cake EVERY month on your birth date. You know, I don't know why that would be a bad idea! I personally think you should be celebrated every single day and I hope that as your mommy I can do that in some form or fashion (but it would probably give us diabetes if we ate chocolate cake EVERY DAY. So once a month on the cake thing will do.
Then I got to thinking it would be fun to see how you grew, so I wanted to take a picture of you in the same spot every month with a sign that said what month you were in. And of course on your one year birthday you will actually get to EAT that huge chocolate Costco cake (hope you like chocolate...if you are actually from my loins you will) But my mind went deeper and deeper still. Doh, how about if we take a picture of a chocolate cake along with your birthday pose every month! We might have to start the cake out small....like you...and then it will get bigger and bigger ...just like you!
Maybe I've gone stark raving mad or maybe I'm just really super hungry for chocolate cake!?
Enough about the chocolate cake. How many times did I actually tap those words out anyway?
At one month, you are sleeping still quite a bit. You usually wake in a fair mood, but you get grumpy as the morning progresses. Your daily "nap" usually goes from about 11am until 3 or 4 pm. This gives me a lot of time to get things done but I know it won't stay that way long! You absolutely LOVE baths right now. You loved them from the beginning. You don't really smile yet. You have made a few smile faces in your sleep but I think those weren't really true. Sister Camille got one smile from you and we haven't seen you flash it since. Melted her heart! Broke mine, since SHE was the one that got the smile and not ME! Hmph. Today, you coo'd for the first time twice! You seem to really be interested in figuring out this "talking" thing. When you look at me, you seem like your eyes are searching me and making gestures to communicate. It is so precious. You don't like to be cold and usually feel really warm from your carrier. You still like to be swaddled. I should swaddle you more often but I get worried you want your hands out, so I don't do it as often as I should. At one month, you tolerate all of your brothers and sisters. You even let Eddie kiss your bald head endless times a day. You still have that little foot shakey thing. It's so cute! Your eyes are blue...lighter than the other kids and the center is really light. If I were to guess I would say you will have hazel eyes but everyone else thinks they will be blue. Your legs are pretty stretched out. Not as bowed as your sister Camille's or a few of the other kids were. You have already gotten to go to your first concert and hold your first pumpkin (grown in our own garden!) You seem to like to be sung to. You like to cuddle. I think it's fabulous that you are interested in going to sleep at about 10 pm and sleeping somewhat through the night. You might wake at about 5 or 6 am and I usually wake you to feed you too but so far I love the sleep you are doing! You HATE your bouncy seat right now. I mean HATE it. I can sometimes put you in your cradle but never the bouncy seat. I paid so much for that thing. Hmph. You will take a pacifier and Praise the Lord, it has been a Godsend! I hope you continue to take a pacifier. You are a fabulous sleeping partner. You always give me the sleepy pill. And you dont' mind your carseat...yet. You usually fall asleep in there.
This is funny how things steamroll in this family. Of course you can't eat chocolate cake, but your family will delightfully help you with it. So somehow it was suggested we have chocolate cake EVERY month on your birth date. You know, I don't know why that would be a bad idea! I personally think you should be celebrated every single day and I hope that as your mommy I can do that in some form or fashion (but it would probably give us diabetes if we ate chocolate cake EVERY DAY. So once a month on the cake thing will do.
Then I got to thinking it would be fun to see how you grew, so I wanted to take a picture of you in the same spot every month with a sign that said what month you were in. And of course on your one year birthday you will actually get to EAT that huge chocolate Costco cake (hope you like chocolate...if you are actually from my loins you will) But my mind went deeper and deeper still. Doh, how about if we take a picture of a chocolate cake along with your birthday pose every month! We might have to start the cake out small....like you...and then it will get bigger and bigger ...just like you!
Maybe I've gone stark raving mad or maybe I'm just really super hungry for chocolate cake!?
Enough about the chocolate cake. How many times did I actually tap those words out anyway?
At one month, you are sleeping still quite a bit. You usually wake in a fair mood, but you get grumpy as the morning progresses. Your daily "nap" usually goes from about 11am until 3 or 4 pm. This gives me a lot of time to get things done but I know it won't stay that way long! You absolutely LOVE baths right now. You loved them from the beginning. You don't really smile yet. You have made a few smile faces in your sleep but I think those weren't really true. Sister Camille got one smile from you and we haven't seen you flash it since. Melted her heart! Broke mine, since SHE was the one that got the smile and not ME! Hmph. Today, you coo'd for the first time twice! You seem to really be interested in figuring out this "talking" thing. When you look at me, you seem like your eyes are searching me and making gestures to communicate. It is so precious. You don't like to be cold and usually feel really warm from your carrier. You still like to be swaddled. I should swaddle you more often but I get worried you want your hands out, so I don't do it as often as I should. At one month, you tolerate all of your brothers and sisters. You even let Eddie kiss your bald head endless times a day. You still have that little foot shakey thing. It's so cute! Your eyes are blue...lighter than the other kids and the center is really light. If I were to guess I would say you will have hazel eyes but everyone else thinks they will be blue. Your legs are pretty stretched out. Not as bowed as your sister Camille's or a few of the other kids were. You have already gotten to go to your first concert and hold your first pumpkin (grown in our own garden!) You seem to like to be sung to. You like to cuddle. I think it's fabulous that you are interested in going to sleep at about 10 pm and sleeping somewhat through the night. You might wake at about 5 or 6 am and I usually wake you to feed you too but so far I love the sleep you are doing! You HATE your bouncy seat right now. I mean HATE it. I can sometimes put you in your cradle but never the bouncy seat. I paid so much for that thing. Hmph. You will take a pacifier and Praise the Lord, it has been a Godsend! I hope you continue to take a pacifier. You are a fabulous sleeping partner. You always give me the sleepy pill. And you dont' mind your carseat...yet. You usually fall asleep in there.
JUST A BIT BUMMED
I was trying to stay away from emotional bummer type posts, but whatever. I feel like crying right now and can't help it. I think I might have cried a little bit earlier but I couldn't exactly tell because my allergies are so bad I just know I'm dripping like I'm crying. LOL. This could be a cold too. I dunno.
The kids came home from church and I had hoped I could hop on here and post a little bit but no...it was all baby care, which is fine and I love but then they bombard me and any few seconds I thought I could have alone is shattered. I guess that isn't as much of a big deal (I know, my last post I said it came with the territory). But. All of the events I take care of myself. Everything concerning the household is mine to deal with. To include everything seven kids have going on. Yikes. Not only is it overwhelming but it's not fair. I begged the Old Man to finish that stupid truck months and months ago. Just like everything else it's procrastinated. He thinks he will actually fix his Oldsmobile one day. Hah! Even if he HAD the time, he would squander it. I seriously love him, but I am seriously annoyed with him.
The special time he has with his newborn son is gone. It really bothers me. I guess it doesn't bother him because he doesn't seem to act like it does. I keep begging and pleading for him to finish, but whatever he is doing is just taking forever. I hope it's worthwhile. Personally, nothing would be worth taking this much time away from my kids and putting my wife under this much stress. Oh yeah, it was going on while I was hot and miserable and pregnant too. It's been like the "truck from hell" in my opinion, but then I get the feeling he is outside watching television a whole lot while I take care of the kids too. I know I shouldn't slam him but he took on the project knowing I didn't want this same scenario as every other pregnancy. I told him that was the "conditions" way beforehand. It's a huge strain on my marriage right now. He get's pissy when I'm like "get out there, you have a truck to work on". He put himself in this situation since he's had MONTHS to work on it.
Ah, better....just needed to get that out. I guess girls night out at Bunco won't be happening either. I really needed the break. Damn. Upside is--I get to know our kids like the back of my hand. He has no clue about too much. This was a similar discussion when Eddie fell down the stairs and he refused to stay home to help.
The kids came home from church and I had hoped I could hop on here and post a little bit but no...it was all baby care, which is fine and I love but then they bombard me and any few seconds I thought I could have alone is shattered. I guess that isn't as much of a big deal (I know, my last post I said it came with the territory). But. All of the events I take care of myself. Everything concerning the household is mine to deal with. To include everything seven kids have going on. Yikes. Not only is it overwhelming but it's not fair. I begged the Old Man to finish that stupid truck months and months ago. Just like everything else it's procrastinated. He thinks he will actually fix his Oldsmobile one day. Hah! Even if he HAD the time, he would squander it. I seriously love him, but I am seriously annoyed with him.
The special time he has with his newborn son is gone. It really bothers me. I guess it doesn't bother him because he doesn't seem to act like it does. I keep begging and pleading for him to finish, but whatever he is doing is just taking forever. I hope it's worthwhile. Personally, nothing would be worth taking this much time away from my kids and putting my wife under this much stress. Oh yeah, it was going on while I was hot and miserable and pregnant too. It's been like the "truck from hell" in my opinion, but then I get the feeling he is outside watching television a whole lot while I take care of the kids too. I know I shouldn't slam him but he took on the project knowing I didn't want this same scenario as every other pregnancy. I told him that was the "conditions" way beforehand. It's a huge strain on my marriage right now. He get's pissy when I'm like "get out there, you have a truck to work on". He put himself in this situation since he's had MONTHS to work on it.
Ah, better....just needed to get that out. I guess girls night out at Bunco won't be happening either. I really needed the break. Damn. Upside is--I get to know our kids like the back of my hand. He has no clue about too much. This was a similar discussion when Eddie fell down the stairs and he refused to stay home to help.
I WOULD LOVE TO KEEP THIS SHORT AND SWEET.....
I don't know how much of this I can write. Currently you lay next to me sucking your pacifier and I'm expecting a blow up at any time. You have been sleeping a lot today because yesterday you didn't want to sleep for the life of you. Ha ha ...I guess if it even's out...Still, we all got up at six am, so get a free McDonalds breakfast that it ends up wasn't even happening today but yesterday. Ugh, Can I tell you how hard it is to get up and get seven kids out of the house and dressed, with chores done and on the road in time to make it to school? It was insane, but I stopped and got donuts instead. The donuts were good but ugh, made my stomach hurt. I think I was constipated. LOL. I'm thinking about moving away from carbs and more towards protein and less sugars. I'm hoping to stabilize moods and lose some weight...for me and the kids and daddy even. We consume so much sugars lately. I know it's not good and I think I'm pretty knowledgable about nutrition and health. I would say I know more than the average person. But...I haven't been practicing what I preach. So...we are going to change that!
I just got done singing some songs to you in my arms. I could see the glint of some of your hair only a mere shadow from the light of the computer screen. I sung just fragments of songs because when it comes to singing lullabies I just suck. Yes I do. I can sing along to lots of songs but then when I have to come up with something on my own...I fail miserably. Sorry , one of these days you will probably go to sing your own kids a lullaby and your wife will have to notify you that you are singing the words all kinds of wrong and you will say "but that's how my mom always sung it" and your wife will have to notify you that you are totally mistaken.
Today was another crazy day. After the breakfast fiasco, we went to the park a little since the younger kids couldn't be at school so early yet. Then I went home and tried to get a few photos for Lauren's school scrapbook project. Of course I opened the refrigerator door because I had forgotten to take my medicine earlier and smelled something really vile, so I started cleaning out he refrigerator. Then I noticed I would probably have to go to the store for laundry detergent so I decided I would need a bra for that. I went upstairs to get a bra and realized I had forgotten about downloading the pictures and you and brother were still patiently waiting for me in the car! Ugh!! So I went and got you both from the car and became completely consumed in photos.
Brother played with cars and was a really good boy while you slept nearby in your carseat. I could not believe how much had happened over the last five years since your sister Lauren was born! Well, for one...I really DO look older. Or maybe it takes more effort. I don't know what it is but I was thinking that I looked pretty good...er...I think I looked much better at 33. Sigh. Anyway, I couldn't believe this was the third house we were living in. I was remembering all that happened last summer at Burney Glen. I was remembering the pregnancy with your brother Edward and all of the things we did that summer. I was looking over Upward and football and thinking how much I miss the kids being in sports this year. Maybe I just miss Upward and the families. I was looking over all of the birthday parties and celebrations and holidays. I was looking at photo's of family....most of them gone now. Your grandmother Ann and two of your great grandmothers. Oh how I wish they could have seen you. I was glad we got to tell your grandma Ann that your were coming. Wow, that's been so hard on daddy. I just feel for him so much. I was looking at the photos and thinking how much relationships had changed. I guess the thing that struck me the most was that we always looked like our family was having fun in the photos. I know we fight and bicker and have "issues" with our relationships in our family but the honest to goodness truth is I think that we love each other and have a good time together and maybe even some of the time respect for each other.
I had "back to school" or "meet the teachers" or something like that tonight. Yeah me! Blech! I wasn't going to even attempt to go because honestly I don't care what the teachers have to say. LOL. I mean, two hours of going over what the teachers expect? I'm sure I won't be able to conform to begin with. I have seven kids and to be honest some shit just isn't going to get done on occasion. I mean, we will be diligent and try our hardest to accomplish things but my theory is that my kids are gone all day from me and I don't think they need an extra hour or two of "homework" on top of working all day. There is so much "riff raff" in public schools. I don't value education the way my husband and some of my friends do. I take "mental health days" and if my kids have a day that they have to go to the doctor, I'm sorry but I don't think I should have to have an excuse from the doctor to PROVE why they were gone! Its such bullshit. Of course I wish I could be homeschooling anyway but that is a different post. So I made it to the last half hour and the only reason I went was to see some artwork that Morgen had done. I told her beforehand I might not make it but I was glad I got to see the artwork she did. I was sad because I knew how much more enrichment the kids were getting at Pioneer. I really have to decide what we are doing here. Probably before October. I have to have a sit down with myself and the reality of thinking about going back to Pioneer and if I would be confusing my kids and if it would really be more work for me or not. I just don't know....Anyway, I came home from "meet the teacher night" with a gob more paperwork to sign. As if I haven't already filled out those silly pieces of paper with my kids names, birthdates and tons of other information that they should already have and really don't NEED. ugh. I was glad I got to see Morgen's Superhero. ha ha.
Tomorrow is breastfeeding class. I am looking forward to it to see if you have gained weight. I hope you have! I'm not really anxious about it but it would be nice to prove everybody wrong that my supply is so low that I'm not able to feed you. I know you have tons of wet diapers and you poop like a pooping machine! ha ha. I think it's okay if it takes a little bit longer to get you chunky. Breastfed babies aren't always chunky. My kids are usually on the smaller side anyway (you wouldn't know that from looking at William and Emma!) But I also like the time alone with you where I don't get interrupted for the zillionth time and have to scream down the hall at someone while you look at me wide eyed with a nipple in your mouth. I think I appreciate all of my kids just a little bit more when I don't have them for a few hours. I love being with my kids and hanging out with them and being a mommy. I wouldn't change that for the world, but it's fun to let all of the kids leave while I have time for just you!
Thinking of you, I found a cute little "Thumper" toy at the store today. It was so weird because I don't have a lot of money and don't go into the toy section normally just to "look". There sitting on a clearance shelf, all by itself was a little baby toy Thumper the rabbit. It was really odd because I've never actually seen a Thumper toy before and there were no others anywhere to be found. Just the one. I had to buy it for Christmas for you. I was thinking it was as unique as you.
Well I promised short and sweet. So here we are several hours later. I could keep going but you have woken several times and daddy is here and I still have school info to fill out (dread) and I'm exhausted. So maybe it wasn't so short and sweet after all.
I just got done singing some songs to you in my arms. I could see the glint of some of your hair only a mere shadow from the light of the computer screen. I sung just fragments of songs because when it comes to singing lullabies I just suck. Yes I do. I can sing along to lots of songs but then when I have to come up with something on my own...I fail miserably. Sorry , one of these days you will probably go to sing your own kids a lullaby and your wife will have to notify you that you are singing the words all kinds of wrong and you will say "but that's how my mom always sung it" and your wife will have to notify you that you are totally mistaken.
Today was another crazy day. After the breakfast fiasco, we went to the park a little since the younger kids couldn't be at school so early yet. Then I went home and tried to get a few photos for Lauren's school scrapbook project. Of course I opened the refrigerator door because I had forgotten to take my medicine earlier and smelled something really vile, so I started cleaning out he refrigerator. Then I noticed I would probably have to go to the store for laundry detergent so I decided I would need a bra for that. I went upstairs to get a bra and realized I had forgotten about downloading the pictures and you and brother were still patiently waiting for me in the car! Ugh!! So I went and got you both from the car and became completely consumed in photos.
Brother played with cars and was a really good boy while you slept nearby in your carseat. I could not believe how much had happened over the last five years since your sister Lauren was born! Well, for one...I really DO look older. Or maybe it takes more effort. I don't know what it is but I was thinking that I looked pretty good...er...I think I looked much better at 33. Sigh. Anyway, I couldn't believe this was the third house we were living in. I was remembering all that happened last summer at Burney Glen. I was remembering the pregnancy with your brother Edward and all of the things we did that summer. I was looking over Upward and football and thinking how much I miss the kids being in sports this year. Maybe I just miss Upward and the families. I was looking over all of the birthday parties and celebrations and holidays. I was looking at photo's of family....most of them gone now. Your grandmother Ann and two of your great grandmothers. Oh how I wish they could have seen you. I was glad we got to tell your grandma Ann that your were coming. Wow, that's been so hard on daddy. I just feel for him so much. I was looking at the photos and thinking how much relationships had changed. I guess the thing that struck me the most was that we always looked like our family was having fun in the photos. I know we fight and bicker and have "issues" with our relationships in our family but the honest to goodness truth is I think that we love each other and have a good time together and maybe even some of the time respect for each other.
I had "back to school" or "meet the teachers" or something like that tonight. Yeah me! Blech! I wasn't going to even attempt to go because honestly I don't care what the teachers have to say. LOL. I mean, two hours of going over what the teachers expect? I'm sure I won't be able to conform to begin with. I have seven kids and to be honest some shit just isn't going to get done on occasion. I mean, we will be diligent and try our hardest to accomplish things but my theory is that my kids are gone all day from me and I don't think they need an extra hour or two of "homework" on top of working all day. There is so much "riff raff" in public schools. I don't value education the way my husband and some of my friends do. I take "mental health days" and if my kids have a day that they have to go to the doctor, I'm sorry but I don't think I should have to have an excuse from the doctor to PROVE why they were gone! Its such bullshit. Of course I wish I could be homeschooling anyway but that is a different post. So I made it to the last half hour and the only reason I went was to see some artwork that Morgen had done. I told her beforehand I might not make it but I was glad I got to see the artwork she did. I was sad because I knew how much more enrichment the kids were getting at Pioneer. I really have to decide what we are doing here. Probably before October. I have to have a sit down with myself and the reality of thinking about going back to Pioneer and if I would be confusing my kids and if it would really be more work for me or not. I just don't know....Anyway, I came home from "meet the teacher night" with a gob more paperwork to sign. As if I haven't already filled out those silly pieces of paper with my kids names, birthdates and tons of other information that they should already have and really don't NEED. ugh. I was glad I got to see Morgen's Superhero. ha ha.
Tomorrow is breastfeeding class. I am looking forward to it to see if you have gained weight. I hope you have! I'm not really anxious about it but it would be nice to prove everybody wrong that my supply is so low that I'm not able to feed you. I know you have tons of wet diapers and you poop like a pooping machine! ha ha. I think it's okay if it takes a little bit longer to get you chunky. Breastfed babies aren't always chunky. My kids are usually on the smaller side anyway (you wouldn't know that from looking at William and Emma!) But I also like the time alone with you where I don't get interrupted for the zillionth time and have to scream down the hall at someone while you look at me wide eyed with a nipple in your mouth. I think I appreciate all of my kids just a little bit more when I don't have them for a few hours. I love being with my kids and hanging out with them and being a mommy. I wouldn't change that for the world, but it's fun to let all of the kids leave while I have time for just you!
Thinking of you, I found a cute little "Thumper" toy at the store today. It was so weird because I don't have a lot of money and don't go into the toy section normally just to "look". There sitting on a clearance shelf, all by itself was a little baby toy Thumper the rabbit. It was really odd because I've never actually seen a Thumper toy before and there were no others anywhere to be found. Just the one. I had to buy it for Christmas for you. I was thinking it was as unique as you.
Well I promised short and sweet. So here we are several hours later. I could keep going but you have woken several times and daddy is here and I still have school info to fill out (dread) and I'm exhausted. So maybe it wasn't so short and sweet after all.
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